my portal to another world.

you empty promises keep ringing in my head.
am i supposed to fall in love with that?
fall in love with you cause of that?
what the hell do i look like to you?
someone desperate?
that i really need you all that much?
you try to be there.
but do you really want to know me?
understand me?

what he said was right.

i can't continue until i'm sure i can trust you.
to know me for who i am.
and not turn away even if you do.
you see me on a superficial side.
but do you really know me?
please don't go crazy if i told you the truth.
but you've seen me cry and i see the tears in your eyes.
i don't think we can handle it.
i don't think you can handle the real me.
and i can't handle trusting you.
we cannot do this.
sorry.
but who was i to make you wait?

i want to run away.
with your hand in mine.
i want a fairytale.
where i can have happily ever after.
i want it now.
but i can't have everything i want now can i?

nessa is going to get good grades.
and get her desired job in some well known laboratry.
find the cure for aids and cancer.
meet my dreamlover whilst walking down the busy street.
his hand will brush against mine and sparks will fly.
and i'll melt just by looking into his eyes.
and i'll trust myself with him.
even my name would sound safe coming from his lips.
but then my life would have to have some drama.
the past would catch up with me.
and some random guy will come back and steal me away.
but no.
nessa will remain faithful to the guy who swept me away.
and we would have a nice pretty wedding at CHIJMES.
with pretty stained glasses.
with sheryl and jasper and my cousin as my bridesmaids.
and manda and drey will be the pretty flower girls.
cause i'm sure they will have a ball of a time throwing flowers everywhere and at other people.
nessa is going to buy a huge house for mummy.
and give her plenty of diamonds.
and precious gems.
and she'll be a walking christmas tree.
and she'll love me for it.
i'm going to buy her a car too.
give daddy a bit of money i think.
oh, and i want to revamp the chruch.
and make it feel more homely.
and donate alot of money to church too.
and adopt a kid.
and have many other kids.
and did you know that i'm going to earn 30 million by the time i'm 25?
and don't know know she's going to be in love until the end of time.

it was almost like slowdancing in the rain.
but could you imagine if we did?
it would be my fairytale come true.
i'll do it all over again.
the humiliation of the after effect.
and how you pushed me away straight after that.
i'll bear with it just to have you again.
even if its for that little while.
cause you know its not complete.
there is so much left for us to do.
so much more i could do to you to drive you over the edge.
you know you can never run.
you know you can never escape.
we're each other's addiction.
thats why we still bother.
don't you know that we're better together?

i'm the new cancer.
never looked better and you can't stand it.
and you ask me where the heck i got ll that confidence from.
but come on.
lets take a chance.
you're still my risk.

you're my addiction for the fact the i get high on you.
on everysingle thing of you.
the way you smell.
the way you feel.
the way you taste.
the way you bite.
and its you i can't get enough of.
and i still have the smell of you on my bed which drives me mad everynight when i go to bed without you.

i'll just bite my tongue.
and say no more.
i won't want to cause anymore discomfort.
my imagination is running wild.
and escape from reality.
this is my comfort.
this is my world.
this is my escape.
when i don't want to face the world.
this is what goes through my head.
my mind is twisted.
i know.
but who cares.

no promises.
you're all i need tonight.